Do Rappers Have Spirit Animals?
After what felt like months, but turned out to be minutes, of research… The answer to the aforementioned question is yes. Rappers do have spirit animals. It took lots of research and I assure you everything you read in this article is almost probably correct and has been checked, double checked, corroborated, peer reviewed, and verified by myself and no one else. Okay, I know why you all clicked on this article. You came in thinking, Gee! I wonder if Joe is going to tell me The First Official List of Current Rappers’ Spirit Animals?, didn’t you? Well, again, the answer to the aforementioned question is yes. Soon, I will get into the first official list of current and former rappers’ spirit animals.
A rapper’s spirit animal isn’t just the animal that is closest in likeness or, in some rappers’ cases, sounds the most alike. No, it goes much deeper than that. A spirit animal comes from the soul and with deep analysis, intense statistical methodology and a little voodoo, I have been able to compile The First Ever Official List of Current Rappers’ Spirit Animals.
Chance the Rapper
Animal: Saint Bernard
Reason: This is because he is quite devout spirituality and dubs his genre as gospel rap (hence the breed name “Saint” Bernard) and his never angry mindset and happier style of rap.
Fun fact: Chance always eats a dog treat right before recording and his signature ad-lib “iigh” is just him reacting to the taste.
Animal: Three-Toed Sloth
Reason: They are slow, bad at dancing, and can never seem to keep a girlfriend.
Fun fact: This is the saddest animal ever recorded by man. Deep in the tropics of Madagascar you can find them crying themselves to sleep and tweeting about how much they hate all men.
Animal: Komodo Dragon
Reason: No one understands this animal. We don’t even pretend to, but we know it’s one of the dopest animals out there. Just like Kanye West.
Fun fact: Kanye West has direct lineage to the last living dragon. This dragon impregnated Kanye’s Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandmother. This makes him 1.5625% dragon.
Tyler, the Creator
Animal: The Praying Mantis
Reason: One moment this animal is quiet, calm and incredibly smart. Then they turn insane, bites off their husband’s heads, and start a riot. Not to mention the green matches Odd Future’s bright color fascination.
Fun fact: Tyler, the Creator decided it’s best for his own safety if he never gets married.
Animal: The Black Widow Spider
Reason: Not actually because of the obvious 21 Savage and Iggy Azalea likeness. Because I really don’t doubt he’ll kill me.
Fun fact: 21 Savage has a tattoo of the shape that's on the back of a black widow.
Animal: That Three-Headed Dog From Harry Potter
Reason: They are three abnormally close individuals who actually (have you seen how allof them are in the video but only Quavo is in the song?) love music.
Fun fact: One of the heads, Wooffset, was asleep and missed out on recording the three’s biggest song.
Lil Uzi Vert
Reason: The second most confusing animal in the world. This time though, it’s not because of how dope it is. It’s because you really don’t get it. Like where did you come from?
Fun fact: Uzi actually speaks Platypus. Every time he says “Yeah!” he’s actually trying to call for a Platypus revolt to overtake the US Government.
Reason: Has anything he’s ever done convinced you he’s not god? I mean DAMN. he’s an immovable object and an unstoppable force.
Fun fact: His song entitled GOD was actually his way of coming out to the world.
Animal: The Dung Beetle
Reason: If you look it up, J. Cole has so many lines that are about shitting, farting, or other bodily functions involving the anus. It’s amazing how he does it so often.
Fun fact: J. Cole had 21 different lines about shits and farts, including my favorite: “They say I'm like the human body, I produce my own shit.”
Animal: Sea Turtle
Reason: The oldest animal on the planet that still is super dope and can create life without trying.
Fun fact: For how similar he is to a sea turtle, Jay-Z has never been in any ocean, sea, or lake.
Animal: Dolly the Sheep
Reason: If you don’t know who Dolly the Sheep is, she was the first ever living creature to be cloned, just as Gucci Mane, currently, is a clone of the original.
Fun fact: When Gucci Mane was arrested for driving on the wrong side of the road, many people believe he was in the midst of his transition and was unaware of the situation he was in.
Reason: Pretty self-explanatory, but for those of you pretty socially unaware, every nine months she sheds her skin to become a new woman.
Fun fact: It really was in fact Meek Mill’s girl’s tour, not his world tour.
Reason: This is the most insane animal on earth. They are scary, talented, and fucking crazy. They are the flying snake.
Fun Fact: If you mix around the letters in Slim Shady you can almost get Flying Snak, which is where the name came from.
Animal: The Bat
Reason: As we all know, Kid Cudi sleeps through the day then he plays all through the late night, just like a bat.
Fun fact: If I ever have to watch Two Night Stand with Scott Mescudi, I'll take an actual bat to my skull.
Animal: The Human
Reason: There is no cooler or more versatile animal than the kingdom. Childish Gambino is the ideal human.
Fun fact: Gambino is actually a human despite many conflicting sources.
Animal: Sabre-Tooth Tiger
Reason: The absolute greatest extinct animal of all time. Could rip a beet to shreds.
Fun fact: My best guess is that Biggie killed Tupac in ’96.
Animal: The Hippopotamus
Reason: The fattest, and most talented animal there is. This is because the hippo kills More humans than lions, rhinos, elephants, leopards, and buffalos combined.
Fun fact: My best guess is that Tupac never died and he is Biggies’s assailant
Animal: Crabs, the STD
Reason: Besides the fact that Lil Wayne had this when he was 15, they are remarkably resemblant of each other in looks and personality.
Fun fact: Lil Wayne pulled a Plaxico Burress when he was 12
Reason: They are the only animal with the ability to have a mask on or a mask off.
Fun fact: Future is Desiigner’s father, but no one has admitted it yet.
Animal: Mama Bear
Reason: Dre is actually every rappers mother. Why are people always forgetting about Mama Bear?
Fun fact: Dre is actually Eminem’s mother. They’re both grizzly bears.
Reason: Both the most savage animal and Snoop’s name for five months during a particularly heavy weed smoking Rastafari era in 2012.
Fun fact: So, his name is a dog, but his spirit animal is a big cat. So, if you want to know if Snoop if a dog or cat person it comes down to his pet. He’s a cat person.
From Chance to Snoop, every rapper has a spirit animal. No other investigative journalist has ever delved into this depth as deeply as I did. This has been, confirmed, The First Ever Official List of Current Rappers’ Spirit Animals.