Game of Thrones Season 7 comes out July 16th, and I don’t think anyone’s as hyped as they should be. It’s the biggest show in America right now, I mean, who hasn’t seen it?
Well, I haven’t. But that’s okay, because even I’m buying into the hype. I’m about to break down the trailer for you and let you know exactly where your hype should be on a ten-point scale.
Let’s break it into 15 second segments.
So much hype. Our first visual is from behind an intimidating woman walking forward, onto some sort of balcony. Her huge fur coat tells us she’s no vegan, and her short haircut tells us she has access to scissors, something she could potentially use as a weapon.
The only sounds we hear are a high-pitched note and the click-clack of this woman’s high heels. Then she speaks.
“Enemies to the East.”
A quick cut to a shot of a very serious looking young man in front of a vast army of spears. Presumably there are many people holding the spears, but we can only say for certain that we see one or two.
“Enemies to the West.”
Now we’re getting serious. After a quick shot of some sort of huge scary map, we see a monstrous ship sailing in the middle of a storm. Hype.
“Enemies to the South.”
Another quick shot of the big scary map. Quick cut to somebody sharpening a knife, hinting that the show may contain some kind of violence.
We know of enemies to the East, West, and South. That’s so many enemies! There couldn’t possibly be more.
“Enemies to the North.”
Well, there you have it. Enemies in every direction, promising for a complex plot structure as our four enemies attempt to defeat this meat-eating, short-haired woman.
It flashes to the scary map before a cut to somebody on a white horse. By the way the horse wags its tail, you can see that it’s ready to rumble. The hype is real.
“Whatever stands in our way, we will defeat it.”
It?? Are you telling me these enemies could be non-human? I was excited to see some human on human fighting, but if this woman is ready to go at it with some mythical creatures I’m even more pumped!
The visuals we see here are two people standing on a larger, less intimidating map, followed by a shot of our carnivore woman talking. As she talks, the confidence oozes from her poorly-dyed red hair. You can tell that when she says she will defeat ‘it,’ she means it.
Then we’re into it. The music gets faster. A quick shot of an army marching is followed by some sort of military meeting in a castle. “We’re the last Lannisters,” the woman says. The phrase ‘we’re the last’ tells me that there were more before, except they got killed off by these creatures she mentioned earlier, these enemies to the East, West, South, or North. The fact that they are the only remaining Lannisters means that she will fight to preserve their family name. That’s hype.
The music’s still pumping. We now see Peter Dinklage overlooking an ocean from atop a cliff. Are there sharks in there? Is it dangerous? The fact that we don’t know just makes it more exciting.
“The last ones who count.” Oh, so there are other Lannisters, they just don’t count. This either means they betrayed her, or they’re pacifists who live in a little Quaker village somewhere. I hope for the sake of the hype-rating that it’s the former.
Then, BAM! Just when you think it might slow down as Peter Dinklage looks over the cliff, a fucking dragon flies in front of the camera. A DRAGON. I wasn’t ready for that.
We cut to a young blonde woman standing in front of a huge gate, watching as it opens for her and the army behind her. “I was born to rule the seven kingdoms,” she says. Before it seemed like the short-haired woman was in charge, but maybe this blonde lady wants to give her a run for her money.
“And I will.”
Yep. She’s gunning for that throne. Huh, you think that’s why they call it Game of Thrones?
The music’s really going now. A quick shot of the blonde woman on a huge throne, followed by a new army running with different spears. The hype continues to ramp up.
“The king of the north!” a large crowd screams, as we see a new bearded fellow in a fur coat. “Your father and brother are gone, yet hear you stand,” we hear him say. “Last, best hope against the coming storm.” During this speech, we see a sequence of new faces in different climates. First a woman with long red-hair in a snowy landscape, looking lost and depressed. Then a dirty man, looking incredulous, with embers flying all around him. Then another sad looking woman in front of an ocean, looking down on what looks like the Great Wall of China. Does this take place in China? What’s with all the British accents then?
There’s a lot to cover in this segment, let’s start with the dialogue.
“If we don't put aside our enmities and bound together, we will die, and then it doesn't matter whose skeleton sits on the Iron Throne."
These writers must’ve taken a class on how to hype people up in one sentence. Foes putting aside their differences to fight a common enemy? If they don’t they’ll die? That’s wild. I’d watch that.
The visuals are so exciting, I need a run-on sentence to describe them. People running in the snow, the horse-rider from earlier building a fire in the cold forest, warriors in a circle in a blizzard, some creepy guy hiding in the shadows, a huge army riding horseback, people climbing onto a burning ship, our blonde woman from earlier apparently strategizing in front of a large table, and then a huge knight in thick armor. They really packed the hype into those 15 seconds.
This fifteen seconds is all montage. People running, people yelling, people fighting, people boning. Somebody drowning, and then once again, BANG! Another fucking dragon! I don’t even know what’s going on and I’m excited.
“The Great War…is here.”
Now that’s hype. I don’t know who the great war is between, what it’s about, or whether it’s in China or England, but I know hype when I see it. This thing is hype.
So let’s give it a rating. Obviously, it gets a point for every appearance of a dragon (+2). Another plus one for every different army we see (+7 I think?). We then have to give 3 points for every badass quote, for which we count the line at the end, as well as the quote about putting aside their differences (+6). The big five point award is dished out for every strong female character ready to snap some necks, and in this trailer, there are two! (Blonde woman and short-haired woman, +10).
If we add up the points, we get a miraculous 25/10, completely obliterating the ten-point scale I created specifically for this article. But in the end, that’s how it had to be. Hype doesn’t acknowledge limits. Hype doesn’t set attainable goals. Hype sets the bar as high as it can, and if the show doesn’t come through, it’s on them. So, Game of Thrones, let’s hope you made a 25/10 quality show. If people say the show is starting to go downhill, you have only yourselves to blame. Maybe make a worse trailer next time.
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